How often is normal to wake up anxious? The last week or so I've awakened at 7 every morning, very nervous, and unable to go back to sleep, even after taking valerian to help me go to sleep the night before. And I start thinking about moving. I am CONSTANTLY thinking about moving and I can't stop. And it bothers me so much because I don't want to move away right now and I keep struggling with why I should and telling myself why I'm not ready. Curiously (or maybe not) I'm okay when I talk to my friends about it, but then I sit down alone and think about it again and it freaks me out. It just isn't fathomable right now.
I've also stopped being able to eat breakfast. Coffee, fine, food, no. I'm probably not eating enough during the day as it is; I eat lunch at work, and then I come home and pick at dinner or nibble. I'm losing a lot of weight. I'm tired. I kind of don't care as along as I'm not having full-blown anxiety.
I've taken to lying in bed for hours with my "Amber Spyglass" recording and my oldest teddy bear. I discovered how much it helps me fall asleep a few years ago-probably because its got a full cast and people talking and Philip Pullman's voice is really soothing. I want to get the first two, now, if I can afford them. Something about it helps.
One of the hardest things I think I've ever had to do is tell myself to take it one day at a time. I'm trying to be open to people and learn to gauge body language because part of me wants to start giving out my number, even though that's a whole other trigger in itself.
One day I will get there. I'm just not jumping right in. Baby steps. That's all it is. One day at a time.
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