Repressing?

I have so much I want to do, and almost no incentive to do it. I'm weirded out by the fact that I'm comfortable in my complacency here. I've said repeatedly that I could very easily move out right now if I wanted to, and  figure out the money later, but I don't want to live anywhere else right now. It's really comforting having my folks around to talk to for real (and get rides from and cook for and share the car with).

A lot of this has to do with travel, I think. Like i've readjusted to being home for longer than three months at a time (probably why August was so terrible) and now I'm back to that place where I have issues being away for extended periods of time. It's the reason I'm only looking at local acting jobs for the next...however long. And I'm planning a trip to new York in 3 weeks for my birthday because I figured, my internship will end soon and I'm about to have a new gig that gives me the flexibility to try and get some extra/background work during the day, so why  not go up and see everyone for a bit? but now I'm stalling because...I don't know how badly I really want to do it. I want to see everyone, but I don't want to be away from home, if that makes sense. My dad thinks I'm agoraphobic, which I think in some way I always have been even since childhood, but not in the normal way since I have no problem leaving the house. It's just for extended, overnight trips that it becomes an issue. Its why I was so surprised when my first anxiety attacks in college happened in my second year, rather than the first night (orientation doesn't count!).

I think I can deal with the stunted social life, since i've never been a big partier or go-outer anyway, but I just can't help but feel that all my friends in NYC are working on great things and I'm going to miss my chance. No one can tell me if there'll be a place for me when i do finally get there for good, and it bothers me.

Its like, I dont feel like its my time yet, but at the same time, the world is going to go on without me. And I can't figure out what's more important.