No, absolutely not, I am not insecure at all

I wonder if doctors know how badly people just do not want to be in their offices.

Especially when they start asking you all those awkward questions. Like, "are you single? Do you live alone?" And my favorite, "are you sexually active?"

In my case this morning though, it was "you have never been sexually active?" And her eyes went all wide.

I know why you're asking this, lady, but you could be less incredulous about it. I never feel like my lack of sexual history is something to be pitied until I walk into a doctor's office. And if I may quote "Juno," "sexually active, like what does that even mean?"

I've done other things. It almost happened once and I'm not sorry, although I am secretly relieved, right now, that it didn't. Do I want to be having sex? Kinda. Could I if I wanted? probably.  But not for it's own sake.

But as a doctor, you should understand that there are more reasons for my taking medications than sex, and I do thank you for your honesty about why I don't need certain things.

But a doctor is the last person I would expect to be incredulous about virginity. Or at least work on your bedside manner.

I'm back

It's been a while.

I was doing okay for a while. We got a cat, and I thought she was helping the morning anxiety a little, then a lot, for the last few weeks. She is amazing, but some of the morning anxiety is back.

I didn't eat much dinner last night.

It's back,  but i'm not really clear what I'm thinking about. I've accepted that eventually I do want to move, but I'm not putting a timeline or a deadline on it. I do think that the thing I'm antsy about the most, in spite of not knowing when this will happen, is the actual move itself. Living there is fine, even though I will probably be lonely and upset for a while before I get settled. It's just the anticipation of everything else leading up to actually getting there that I feel so strongly.

Work is pretty good though, for the most part. I do three days a week at the florist and three days at an internship at Studio Theatre, where I also started acting classes. It doesn't pay, but I get my classes for half-price and a ton of administrative and box office training. And of course I'm networking my face off. And it's really validating to be with people who understand my goals and what I'm trying to do.

I went back to my okcupid. I still refuse to upload a picture, but I've been messaging this pretty nice guy from Pittsburgh. Don't know if I really want anything to come of it, but it's sort of fun to know there are other people out there.

And lastly, I realized a guy was trying to hit on me on the train home last week. Really awkward and  kinda creeoy. I think I saw him again yesterday. The likelihood of that happenimg again is like...I can't even.

i'm not dead! life's just been pretty good and i haven't felt the need to write.

also, we got a kitten. SHE IS THE BEST CAT.

i have a new internship too. more updates when my life starts to get crazy again.