Coffee work.

Today was the first day I've been home alone since moving back here. It was appropriately weird, I guess, but it doesn't suck. I'm 22 and a college grad; I should not be talking about being home alone like it's some sort of phenomenon. What makes it so unbearable is the lack of work. Or rather, lack of productive things to do. I'm not even interested in a traditional career right now, but I'd love to work somewhere fun that gets me out of the house and meeting people and doing people a service. (And I'm sure people will say "oh, great attitude, go waste your life." Well, screw that. I have my reasons.)

I had my third interview with the coffeehouse down the street from me today, and for the first time I feel like I blew it. I hope I didn't. I had to go in and meet the owner, which I think is great - they're independently owned and surprisingly thorough. My first two interviews with the manager went great. Today the owner was asking me some of the same stuff, plus a lot of things about if was getting my own place any time soon, etc, which I thought was sort of unnecessary, but maybe he's just gauging everything - and I have to remember, I've only ever had one real job in my whole life (which is more than many people my age, but still...) and I'm still learning the ropes of interviewing. He was very warm and friendly and seemed easy to talk to, and so of course when he asked me if I had been looking for anything else I went ahead and mentioned the after-school teacher training because why not? It's a month away and there's no guarantee it'll come to anything, and it's all in the afternoons so it ideally won't conflict with coffee. And at the time, it seemed okay to mention, although now I realize I shouldn't have, even though he didn't seem to be indicating things one way or the other.

I just really want to work there and I hope hope hope I didn't blow it. That and the teaching gig would be lovely for a while - teaching drama is in my field and the coffeehouse is part of a cool little bohemian-y existence I always imagined it would be fun to have. And then I was going to just roll on from there.

And it's especially hard, now, to think I could blow an interview at a coffeehouse. It seems trivial - it's NOT, at all - but there's a certain amount of pride that comes with able to find something you think is good so soon out of school. It's not in my field, no, but it's the right environment for me at this particular time, I think. Which makes it important. Which makes it important enough, for the moment, to beat myself up over.

Because I don't have a clue what I'm doing.